@fro_vo
[speed date]
Hi i’m Rob, I like sports, classic rock and have an irrational fear of bees. What’s your name?
Abby
OH SHIT WHERE
@SamReidSays
Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can’t click because I’m eating cereal and a sandwich.
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@fro_vo
@bransonreese
The Ugly Duckling has the best moral: “everybody has to apologize to you if you get hot”
@shutupmikeginn
barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was invented
@mjkspeaks
Someone flipped me off so I threw my wallet at him and said “I love you.”
He didn’t even die.
Killing people with kindness is hard.
@thatdutchperson
ME: did I remember to take my antidepressants this morning?
BRAIN: does it matter? Does anything matter? Aren’t we all just insignificant threads in the tapestry of life
ME: …so that’s a no
@cbdoubleu
Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city.
*enters initials
@Lhlodder
My daughter has been asking for more independence lately so this morning I took her out for breakfast and asked for separate checks.
@notfunnyelle
My best friend is a guy and we have a pact that if we’re both still single at 35 we’ll hunt each other for sport
@Marcisgoinham
Some nights I stare at the stars wondering if you can see the same ones
Then I realize, of course you can, I’m in your backyard
@T_Bonezzz
“One day, I will create a global business-oriented social networking service”
– Abraham LinkedIn