You know that confused look old people get when looking at new technology?
I’m like that, but with salad.
Netflix, stop making me wait 15 seconds between episodes. I can’t click because I’m eating cereal and a sandwich.
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Boss: ok just bear with me
*I growl and start clawing the air*
B: wtf are you doing
Me: I..You said..
B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go
Laugh, and the world laughs with you…
Keep saying “LOL” out loud, and you’ll die alone.
(For Judy in Accounting)
The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
If I check out your blog, what will you do for me? Love me? Ok fine, but you’re telling my mom we’re going out.
Them: I’m so sorry!
Me: *checking that their concrete boots have set* It’s all water under the bridge.
fighting against the coronavirus by wildly swinging a broom as though there is a bird in the house
If she says “well you’re too busy to chat so have a good day”
..what she means is she hopes it’s a good day for your hair to catch on fire.
Bought some expensive neck cream.
Directions say to apply it twice daily.
If I slather it on every hour, I’ll have the neck of a teen.
*Dentist’s waiting room*
*Trying to make conversation with other patient*
So… I guess you have teeth, too?