Wife: “We’ve had too many children. Where will they all sleep?”
Husband: “I don’t know. Just stack ’em in the corners or something.”
– how bunk beds were invented
Never heard of the diseases mani and pedi, but she says she needs a cure for them.
You Might Also Like
It’s impossible to say “mesh” without sounding like Sean Connery…
Also you just tried it.
me linking you to my twitter
yo LA chill out with your restaurant names
Realtor: Hi. Would you like a tour?
Me: (stuffing cookies in my purse) The sign said there would be sandwiches too.
Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.
I’m 48 years old and I pronounce pumpkin like PUN-KIN.
Kylo Ren: I will finish what you started
Me (running relay race): dude just take the baton
Me: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
Build a bear employee: no we have nothing like that