@CatLitterGirl: Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
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@hippieswordfish: ME: *falls down the stairs* help buddy im hurt bad call 911 ROBE-BOT: another robe sir?
@NewDadNotes: [spelling bee] Judge: your word is cartograph Me: can you use it in a sentence? Judge: the world cartograph has seven seas Me: C-C-C-C-C-C-C-A-R-T-O-G-R-A-P-H
@GrantTanaka: wife: maybe u should take out the trash me: (muttering) maybe I should take YOU out wife: WHAT me: U HEARD ME wife: NO I DIDN'T me: OH THANK GOD