“Quinoa” sounds like something a ninja would say before kicking you.
Never judge a married man until you’ve walked on his eggshells.
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I’d like to apologize…
To anyone I have not offended.
I’ll be with you momentarily.
Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness?
Me: oh that’s a brilliant question
Interviewer: But what’s the answer?
The chinese translation for penguin is business goose.
Don’t make me take off my belt because then my pants would fall down and my body looks like an egg on toothpicks.
“Please let go of my hair”
Family stickers on cars are the parent version of prison tattoos.
Turkeys are crazy.
They hunch down and freeze in groups
in grocery store coolers to elude hunters.
Must be a safety in numbers thing.
Mary: oh no my period is late
Joseph: oh no how late
Mary: I dunno, what’s the date
Joseph: hmm according to the calendar it’s 9 months BC
Mary: 9 months what now