@Peauxtassium

Never judge a married man until you’ve walked on his eggshells.

You Might Also Like

@lloydrang

“Quinoa” sounds like something a ninja would say before kicking you.

@garrettn

I’d like to apologize…

To anyone I have not offended.

I’ll be with you momentarily.

@ArfMeasures

Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness?

Me: oh that’s a brilliant question

Interviewer: But what’s the answer?

Me: Sarcasm

@DanKCharnley

Don’t make me take off my belt because then my pants would fall down and my body looks like an egg on toothpicks.

@Sanbel11

“Please let go of my hair”

-my gynaecologist

@SteveKoehler22

Turkeys are crazy.

They hunch down and freeze in groups
in grocery store coolers to elude hunters.

Must be a safety in numbers thing.

@AbbieEvansXO

Mary: oh no my period is late

Joseph: oh no how late

Mary: I dunno, what’s the date

Joseph: hmm according to the calendar it’s 9 months BC

Mary: 9 months what now