@neiltyson: Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine.
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@shawnspree: It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head.
@ibid78: WAITER: can i take your order? HER: *looks at lobster tank* i'll take that one ME: *looks out window* i'll take that pigeon
@Inconsteveable: Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
@realHamOnWry: Kids should think twice about threatening to run away from home. It only fills their parents with false hope.