GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS!
GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans.
Never trust someone who says you’re more important than cheese. It’s an obvious lie.
You Might Also Like
When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal.
Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn’t mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae
Wife is “not angry” that I ate her Pringles…..
So, I’ll be sleeping with one eye open, like a mob boss.
Me:*gasping sob* That’s her. I’d recognize that Boner Garage tattoo anywhere. Oh, Grandma.
Alexa, avenge me.
pir·ou·ette – /ˌpirəˈwet/ (noun)
1) An act of spinning on one foot
2) A tiny gay pirate
Based on the musicians who thanked him at the Grammys, I gotta say: I’m not crazy for God’s taste in music.
Find a man who pays attention to what you say as much as Google ads does