Never under estimate the value of stretching…the truth.

You Might Also Like


My wife suggested taking Ecstasy to help with sex and so far she’s banged three neighbors and the UPS guy


Is it proper etiquette to place your phone to the left or right of your silverware at the dinner table?


Prescription commercials are always so touching until the last minute or so when they explain how their product could kill you.


Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don’t use your girlfriend’s urine for testing.


A guy just came into this restaurant by himself, ordered a plate of olives, ate them, and left. If you see something, say something.


Her: We really need to do something about global warming

Me: Yes, I agree *takes a sip of Fiji water that has been flown halfway across the planet*


him: are you going to scarborough fair?
me: yeah.
him: if you see my ex, ask her to make me a shirt and buy me some land?
me: dude, wtf?


When I’m at a restaurant and see ‘secret sauce’ on the menu, I immediately tell the people at the table next to me