@honeybadgerMel

Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.

You Might Also Like

@hollyshortall

No quarantine has all five:

– ur partner
– balcony / garden
– pasta
– quiet neighbours
– hi speed wifi

@MehrangizC

On a scale of 1 to ‘Maxi pad with wings’

How self-absorbed are you?

@DrCephalopod

INVENTOR OF THE CLOCK: all done! I just need to set it. what’s the time?
ASSISTANT: what’s the what

@WetzelGeek

Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering “…it would be so easy…”

@katiefzack

Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, “If I’m alive by then,” and hang up.

@praisecheese

Me: (after eating 12 fudgesicles)
Ok. Time to get to work.

You: You can actually buy popsicle sticks at any craft store.

Me: Don’t question my art.

@PoorEvelyn

Well, if it doesn’t include antidepressants, they shouldn’t call it a Happy Meal.

@batkaren

“Welcome, Karen, to Pants On Fire!” the game show host says.

“Excited to be here!” I tell him.

The host eyes me. “Are you?”

My forced smile starts to break. Sweat beads drip down my face, and I swallow hard.

“Light up her pants, guys,” the host orders.

@lisaxy424

Passed a gym sign that said “Have those new yoga pants been to yoga yet?” and I feel personally attacked.

@T_Bonezzz_

SPELLING BEE

“Defiant”

Can I have the definition, please?

“No”