Abraham Lincoln is in a cent until proven guilty.
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I’m wearing a tuxedo to work today in protest of casual Friday.
I changed to high thread counts when I moved. I have fallen out of the bed 5 times. Super slippery. No wonder those Egyptians died young. Prolly slid right off they pyramids.
Well that was embarrassing
– my headstone
I hate that I can’t go anywhere for the holidays, unlike previous years where I hated having to go somewhere for the holidays.
Me recordaron éste meme
Fitness update: I rode a bike yesterday, and today it feels like I’m smuggling a baseball
Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner.
I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze
I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law’s dishwasher since she only uses it for storage.