@TheOnion: New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App
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@RamblingMachine: You know what's sad? 3 of my team members dying of drinking poison and the last dying of a fractured neck because he didn't drink the poison
@SweetTweetsBRO: I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along.
@3sunzzz: 5: You forgot my night-light! It keeps monsters away. Me: If a monster wants to get you, a 4 watt bulb won't stop him. Good night, Sweetie.