New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he’s the Joker.

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I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.


Kylo Ren: We must find Luke Skywalker

General Hux: Why? He won’t fight & you don’t need training.

Kylo: He might have cool Vader souvenirs


If there isn’t a Pig Farmer who has changed his name to Steven Squealberg, I’m disappointed in the agricultural sector’s lack of humour.


If commercials want people to look at them they should all start with the sound of a phone vibrating


My toddler is crying because she wanted 2 strawberries but I only gave her 2


Date: Once I dated a guy who wore those sneakers that light up when you walk lmao

Me *daren’t move* haha what a loser


Of course I’m English.

I’m the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.


I know it’s so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks


The next time someone describes me as feisty, I’m going to stand in front of them and air punch rapidly like Scrappy Doo.