@TheThomason

New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he’s the Joker.

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@AbbyHasIssues

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

@StarWarsProblms

Kylo Ren: We must find Luke Skywalker

General Hux: Why? He won’t fight & you don’t need training.

Kylo: He might have cool Vader souvenirs

@drinksmcgee

If there isn’t a Pig Farmer who has changed his name to Steven Squealberg, I’m disappointed in the agricultural sector’s lack of humour.

@dumbbeezie

If commercials want people to look at them they should all start with the sound of a phone vibrating

@passthewhine_44

My toddler is crying because she wanted 2 strawberries but I only gave her 2

@ArfMeasures

Date: Once I dated a guy who wore those sneakers that light up when you walk lmao

Me *daren’t move* haha what a loser

@_NTFG_

Of course I’m English.

I’m the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.

@online_shawn

I know it’s so bad but all the other restaurant names were taken. Anyways welcome to Feastiality can I get you guys started on some drinks

@MacAnnabella

The next time someone describes me as feisty, I’m going to stand in front of them and air punch rapidly like Scrappy Doo.