What’s it called when you fall in love with your captors, even if they’re obnoxious little tyrants?
No, no, not Stockholm Syndrome.
Ah, yes… “parenting”
That’s the word.
New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August!
Me: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.
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1) Have job?
2) Have car?
3) Have goals?
If you answer yes to any of the above questions thanks but no thanks.
If maxi pad commercials didn’t exist, us women would have no idea that we’re full of blue windshield wiper fluid.
God never healed my dyslexia so I’m looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey.
*steps out of the time machine* Me: what year is this?
Wife: Stop playing with the washing machine.
billy joel: she’s an uptown girl
me: where has she been living
billy joel: ur not gonna believe this
Me: At the start of this year, I never could’ve guessed I’d be in debt to a raccoon
Friend: Animal Crossing is pretty fun though
Me: What’s Animal Crossing?
Had a really nice moment this morning with the postman as we held hands through the letterbox. Only slightly ruined by his screaming.
[about to post]
Social Media Police: Is it reliable
M: I heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend
Prof asked if anyone liked comic books. I raised my hand. She didnt add anything or say why it mattered. Just wanted to isolate me socially.