For the low, low price of $14.95, I’ll send you my instructional DVD, “How to Succeed as a Con Man.”
News Anchor: Our correspondent at the scene had this to say.
*cut to correspondent*
You Might Also Like
“What would be your main strength?”
Well, I can communicate with animals…
“Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses?”
They can’t understand me.
Can’t, busy teaching a toddler gang signs.
Take your age and add 5 to it. That is your age in 5 years.
Statistics show that married men live a lot longer than single men. However married men are a lot more willing to die.
I want to give away free lab coats on the streets and turn our city’s homeless problem into its crazy doctor problem
Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President.
I try to often think “human meat is gristly” in case hungry aliens are reading my thoughts
WAITER: Are you ready?
ME: Yes. I’ll have the burger, medium rare
ME: Not in a corner
ME: Can’t be refused
WAITER: Excellent, sir
I’m quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven’t lost a pound and I’m getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal.