*Welsh Cities lining up outside Starbucks; the barista who writes the names on the cups starts hyperventilating and looking for an exit*
Starbucks messed up Kate’s order. Kate’s white. How done is she?
a.) 100% done
b.) 300% done
c.) SO done
d.) She can’t even
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FRIEND: A ton of people were at the party last night
ME: Thats only 14 people given an avg body wt of 136lbs
F: This is why u werent invited
If you think you’re having a bad day, the lady who took my order in the drive-thru asked me if my order was to go.
Did you see that? That’s the third time she came over here. I think she likes me.
“This is Applebee’s and she is our waitress”
*Squats down to look for food in the refrigerator*
If you’re going Black Friday shopping tomorrow, be a decent human being & turn your phone horizontal before you record any fights
I told my kid that the fish fossil was found 194 years ago. He asked if I’d found it. And that’s when he mysteriously disappeared…
The Chinese New Year is almost here. I know they’re in another time zone, but 2 months behind seems a little extreme.
All those years of school never taught me the most important life lesson. Green gummy bears are strawberry flavored.
DAD: Hugh, please. It’s a perfectly fine name. Stop complaining.
HUGH J’DISAPPOINTMENT: It’s not my first name I’m upset about.