I’m doing the vacuuming..
It doesn’t need doing but it’s a legitimate way of annoying the kids
Newsflash KIDS: The woman who paid for the fries gets to “steal” as many as she wants.
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I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college
“I think I have ADHD, doc”
“I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford”
“yeah I keep losing my Focus”
get out of my office
As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.
PERSON WHO JUST INVENTED WINDOWS: Check it out.
PERSON WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT CURTAINS: I hate it.
DOG COP: sir, you ran a gray light
DOG DRIVER: it was gray!
COP: no, it was gray!
COP: *starts barking*
Doctor: Are you a danger to yourself or others?
Me: You mean I have to pick one?
God: I made something new. It’s like a tornado, but smaller.
Angel: What do you call it?
God: A toddler.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.
Damn that is one huge cow. this is why I buy internet on flights. I almost saw that 6 hours after you guys did