@markleggett: Next month on the 13th, the date will be 13/13/13.
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@AntiSemanticShw: In my life Ive spent 90% of my money on drugs, drinking and women. The other 10% I wasted.
@AtticusFinch79: [bakery] Robber: Give me all of your bread Baker: *starts emptying the register* Robber: Oh yeah, good idea, give me all your money too
@kuuuuuu: *When I see someone else jaywalk* "What an idiot." *When I jaywalk* "I am a trained professional. Do not attempt this yourself."
@inmybox07: You might think I’m flirting, but really those faces are just me trying to get the peanut butter off the roof of my mouth