Wolverine: [sharpening his claws] so what’s your super power?
Me: I am good at rearranging letters to form new words
Wine lover: [taking a sip of merlot] I’ll drink to that
Nice guys finish last, cause stamina.
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Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren’t supposed to make you dumber.
“Take me with you,” I whisper, palms pressed to the windowpane, watching the trash truck drive away.
“She is not fine.”
Fear is temporary, laundry is forever
SOME DUDE IN A LAB IS WORKING ON BRINGING THE PTERODACTYL BACK TO LIFE SO ENJOY THOSE EVENING STROLLS WHILE YOU CAN!
Being a Jedi isn’t all bad.
I’ve been sitting around in my bathrobe for decades.
Startled by the sound of my own washing machine, yet convinced I’d be a badass in any apocalypse.
Some of you keep touting donuts
as the best breakfast food …..
But there are holes in your arguments.
To avoid the awkward 5 minutes, lean over and give the cashier butterfly kisses while waiting for your 500 foot CVS receipt.