Wife: Do the dishes
Me: Can’t. Holding the baby
Wife: Take out the trash
Me: Can’t. Baby
Wife: Change the baby
Me: Can’t. Doing dishes.
nice haircut what did you do ask him for a nice haircut & he said “no”
You Might Also Like
tired of mercurys shit. im in retrograde now. its my turn
god: make a guy who brings children presents
angel: aww that’s nice
god: have him slide through chimneys at night
angel: wait what
god: i want him to scream ho ho ho while riding a flying sled pulled by a bunch of those horned horses
Used way too much moisturizer and I may have to call in slick tomorrow.
Charm me with your intelligence or just wait till I’m really drunk.
but like if you somehow manage to launch yourself to the ISS they ought to let you in? right??
asking for a friend
Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
Agent: I have a script for you.
Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?
Radcliffe: I’ll do it.
Facebook is where you’ll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting “stupid”.