There are unfortunate spelling errors, and then there’s this.
Nice shoes. Where’d you get them?
*peeks under bathroom stall*
Did you hear me?
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When you hug someone, think of all the poop you are just inches away from.
[someone reading a beautiful poem in german]
ME: i have never been more frightened
Me: you want french toast for breakfast?
Toddler: no thank you.
Me: hi. I’m maddie. I’m ready to overeat, anonymously
Overeaters Anonymous leader: you’ve misunderstood
There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list.
I lost 50 pounds by having my wallet stolen in London AND YOU CAN TOO
They say someone in the US is bitten by a shark 19 times a year.
I’ve made friends on Twitter I never would’ve met in real life, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything less than $200.
Sex on the beach means sand everywhere. You just do not want extreme exfoliation in some areas.