@mactx85

Nice try girl with a great job and is mentally stable…
Hello crazy chick with anger issues and a knife collection.

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@BevisSimpson

Its really disgusting how other white people dont even know about the plight of [quickly wikipedias “Who is having alot of plight 2012]

@LindzThoughts

If maxi pad commercials didn’t exist, us women would have no idea that we’re full of blue windshield wiper fluid.

@jergarl

*puts it in perspective

Perspective: Wrong hole.

@moooooog35

Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I’d be shopping at the dollar store.

@AbbieEvansXO

Angel: oh look, the humans are doing another sacrifice for you

God: [sitting in a sea of goats] it’s not another goat is it

@Crap_Advisor

I feel like a tampon… In the right place… at the wrong time..

@ComedicBust

ME: What’d you want for dinner?

MY GOTHIC GF: I pray that the lord of darkness will claim my body & soul before sunset.

ME: Chinese it is.