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-An A to Z guide to parenting.
@mrkoodge: *lowers car suspension to look more gangster*
*takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*
@clevinniej: Wife: ok, you have free reign to decide on all household decisions today...
Me: *too shocked to move or decide anything...*
@Cheeseboy22: I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [private investigator hands me a folder] well she's not cheating on you
[looking though numerous photos of my wife refrigerating bread] oh god no
@Sarcasticsapien: I wanna learn to speak Italian. Partially to go to Italy but mostly so I can pretend I don't know English when people wanna make small talk.