@matsmoustache: You walk into my bedroom... I'm laying naked with a platter of nachos on my chest. You get punched while trying to take some of my nachos.

@Jason_Horton: "I'm a very private person" - people who are on back to back reality shows

@blaha_Who: My gf thought it was so cute when she found out I owned a pair of tap shoes Until I got drunk, and put them on

@bonesher: him: can i be honest? me: not from what i’ve seen.

@TheBoydP: "Accountant jokes are funny but don't really apply to me..." ~All accountants