@SteveKoehler22

No, Autocorrect ….

the lovely bride was not wearing
a SATAN trimmed lace ensemble –

though she can be devilish at times.

You Might Also Like

@krisv_723

Friend: Ugh, this is going to cost an arm & a leg.
Me: *pats backpack* I’ve got you covered. The hospitals just throw these things out.

@YoungManDadJoke

Your head is basically just the smartest part of your body wrapped in the spookiest part of your body.

@LittleMissAngr1

You show up unannounced at my door. I invite you in and sit you down in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. I begin mopping the floor, smiling at you as I work my way backwards towards the doorway. Please let that dry, I shout, as I put on my coat and leave the house.

@Audenary

ME: Who is your favourite philosopher?

PROFESSOR: It’s Hume.

ME: Sorry – whom is your favourite philosopher?

@joeljeffrey

They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. Please. You wanna know expertise? I’ve spent over 300,000 hrs being a moron

@ojedge

[cash4gold]
Man in a coat: [holding gold bar] “How much is this worth?”

“It’s 25 carats…”

[8 rabbits rustle excitedly beneath trench-coat]

@paulhorne

I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I’m some stalker weirdo.

@hyperblastchic

Luke: Lightsabers cut through anything.

Ninja: So does a samurai sword.

L: But does it make a cool noise?

N: *cuts off Luke’s other hand*

@Mardigroan

Oh rental car. Oh rental car. Your gas tank is not on the side I thought.