“I know it doesn’t look good on paper, but hear me out guys, Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BATMAN!!!!”
No, Facebook camera, I just sat on the toilet, I don’t want to take a picture to commemorate the moment.
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[first day as a mechanic]
ME: i would say this car is haunted
me: I lost the boy
me: at the burrito stand
me: I turned around for a second
me: and then for a third
Using my phone screen as a light, I search for my phone. Behind 1way glass, a bunch of chimps in lab coats write on their clipboards and nod
GF: there’s somebody in the kitchen!
ME: *already unsheathing my blade* that’s where the food is
I’m bathing in hot water with a bunch of vegetables, herbs and spices! The mayor has a big wooden spoon and he’s swirling the water around for me.
As a kid: *climbs a tree*
As a teen: *dyes hair*
In my 20s: *backpacks thru Europe*
In my 30s: *tries a new TV show*
Not having sex till I have kids
Developed Theory of Relatively.
Walked on the Moon.
Painted the Mona Lisa.
Baffled by bra hooks.
I was only mildly famous in the ’90s but vaccinate your kids