Jamiroquai because Jamirosad.
NO I WOULD NOT LIKE TO KNOW WHAT FRUIT MY BODY IS SHAPED LIKE
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The bouncer used to check the lining of my hat for weapons when I walked into a bar and now they have entire axe throwing ranges that serve alcohol
Gets pulled over:
” it’s because I can’t see isn’t it?!”
ME: I’m hungry, let’s stop and eat
FRIEND: I see a 24 hour breakfast place
ME: You idiot, we don’t have that kind of time
*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here’s the thing, kids. Wolves don’t have lips so they can’t blow at all. That wolf was framed.
i catch her eye from across the room
i make my way thru the crowd
“here’s your eye back”
thanks nice catch
Her: Can I see your phone?
Me: Cu-caw! Cu-caw! Cu-caw! **Flaps imaginary wings and flys into another room**
Wildflowers are just regular flowers that go clubbing until 4 a.m. and snort coke off of each other’s tramp stamps.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
And then he tweeted…..
“SEE YOU IN COURT”
After just LOSING IN COURT??