@theabstractass

No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.

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@Mr_Kapowski

Coworkers: Zack, you should come to a hookah bar with us!

Me: Why? Who’s celebrating their 12th birthday?

@EndhooS

Please, call me Seahorse. Mr. Seahorse was my mother.

@MrT1M

Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.

@Momtoteens

When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.

@ComicMikeV

Italian names sound delicious. Even Mussolini, sounds like a fried cheese that ends up oppressing your digestive process. #Italians

@ibid78

[commercial]
“I’m tired of fruits that taste good.”
Narrator: GRAPEFRUIT

@TheAndrewNadeau

GRANDPARENTS: This used to be orange groves.

US: That used to be a Blockbuster.

KIDS IN THE FUTURE: All that used to not be underwater and also somehow on fire.

@horacedodge

If you, don’t know, how, to properly use a comma don’t use, them ok.