Wanna feel old? Only 6 people are now Kung-Fu Fighting.
No more excuses…
….next year I’m getting that exorcism.
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FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I’d read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that’s a bad idea guys
PATIENT: Doc, I haven’t been able to bone my wife lately and I really think-
DR DOG: Wait. Tell me more about the bone part
It’s important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I’m having popcorn & wine for dinner.
“Pay attention, 007; this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it.”
Me:[holding toy] And WHY don’t we make them fight??
Kid:[sighing] Because the last stegosaurus died 83 million years before T-Rex evolved
So let me get this straight. A dude comes back to life after three days and no one cuts his head off?
Avril Lavigne is the lead singer of Maroon 5 right
CRONUS: Yes- I’ll have the bucket of popcorn children
Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir?
CRONUS: omg what did I say
It’s 2014 and somehow we still don’t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.