No my carpet doesn’t match my drapes cause I don’t have carpet , Duh….
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HR: No. 1 asset u would bring to Verizon customer support?
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.
When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band…
[8000 words later]
In a medium bowl, mix together butter, white sugar, and brown sugar. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease cookie sheet,
The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer.
ME: I wish for a third dog to pet.
GENIE: you’re seriously wasting these wishes-
ME: I DON’T REMEMBER WISHING FOR YOUR OPINION
Women don’t consider it chivalrous when you open bathroom stall doors for them.
Me: if I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Funeral Director: Please leave sir
Who called it Thanksgiving and not the Nightmare before Christmas?