No one shot Rick Ross – when you’re that big you’re BOUND to be hit by a random stray bullet now and then

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“GO SPORTS!” -how I cheer for all sports


Millennial: OMG, you don’t even know how to make a gif? That’s so tragic to me right now. Can you at least make a meme?

Me: I own a house.


Hell is full of ugly babies, tinkerbell tshirts and fat women debating the tastiness of frozen meals…..oh wait. This is just walmart


Back in my mother’s house with my sister for the first time in many years and it’s like nothing’s changed… My sister’s still hogging the remote… 🙄


8 PM- “Tomorrow, when I wake up, I’m going to make an actual breakfast with eggs, toast, bacon, & hash browns”

8 AM- *grabs cold pizza from the fridge*


I’m new to confession. Is it normal for the priest to cry and ask for a priest?


I asked my son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday…

“A burger cake with ketchup frosting!!”

Meatloaf. He wants meatloaf…


The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.