An atheist: I am an atheist btw
You Might Also Like
I annoyed my kids so bad they told ME to go to bed.
So it looks like this parenting thing has come full circle.
When women go to the restroom together that’s so you can make out, right?
[dont let him know you’re a sponge]
Waitress: *spills drink on table*
GERONIMO *bellyflops on table* SPRAY SOME CLEANER I GOT THIS oh damn
*burst into doctor’s office*
ME: I’m no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I’ve had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out
“I’m feeling a lump here. Here’s another. You have several lumps.”
-uh oh, what does that mean doc?
“it means you’re fat”
being in a club at my age feels more like i’m being set-up for an episode of “To Catch a Predator”
If it weren’t for smoke detectors, I’d never know when my food was ready.
Someone just told me that they met the love of their life on Twitter and I haven’t been able to stop laughing since.
Push-up men’s underwear.
Taking complexes to a whole new level.