No thanks, diet. I don’t trust words that are 75% die.

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One man’s internet wife is another man’s internet husband.


It tastes fantastic but it takes forever to make. What should we call it? A trifle? Yeah, that makes sense.


You’d be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.



Homemade hand sanitizer, just like Mama used to make.


My professor is 74 and he isn’t confident using Zoom so he’s prerecorded the rest of our classes. Today, I watched the first one. He has a Pinocchio doll in the front row because he isn’t comfortable teaching to an empty room. I’m social distancing for this man and this man only.


doctor: the results don’t look good
me: oh god, why?
doctor: *shaking head* the printer ran out of ink


[Quarantine Diary, Day 3]

My homemade mummy costume was met with violent backlash


It’s that wonderful time of year again when the spiderwebs I’ve been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.