I don’t think nachos cure hiccups, but I’m willing to test this theory for the good of humanity. I will report my findings post haste
No thanks Olive Garden, the last place I wanna eat is somewhere that treats me like family.
You Might Also Like
My husband is driving with his ex 7 hours home after moving their daughter to college. I suggested they stay at a hotel instead of driving through the night.
Husband, “I’m smart enough to know this is either a set up for real life or for Twitter and either way it’s a no for me.”
me: a man once told me these woods are haunted by a demonic entity
me: with his mouth
[raises hand during kickboxing lesson] when do we get to kick boxes?
[instructor] that’s not what we-
[me] I just hate boxes so damn much
hate when the barista asks “do you want whipped cream?” it feels there are only two answers: “yes please, i’m fat.” or “no thanks, i’m fat.”
what if peach and bowser were married the whole time and we were really just controlling a paranoid schizophrenic plumber trying to kidnap his old highschool girlfriend
I hate when people stare at me during sex. Like, seriously I don’t know you.
Sorry I dressed up like Captain Caveman when you asked me if I wanted to go clubbing.
Do you sell bloodpants?
“Right this way…”
I’m leaving my body to science but only if they can find it.