@Book_Krazy

No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I’ll just have a panic attack.

You Might Also Like

@sarawrencomedy

SIGN: Do not reach hands into enclosure.

ME: *slowly starts sliding big toe towards panda*

@Kissee_Cheeks

I don’t know how he put it in from that angle, but I liked it.

-me watching hockey

@Vice_Queen

The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.

@Demented_Jokes

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, chin wag, natter or chat about Thesaurus Club.

@PresTightrhymes

*shortly after the sinking of the Titanic*

Sebastian: Ariel, what is dis!?! You cannot have a dead human in your secret grotto!

Ariel: But I like him.

Sebastian: What would your father say!?!

@markydoodoo

GF: that spoon is still dirty

ME: but I just got it out of the dishwasher

GF: I can see the mayo on it

ME: yeah but it’s clean mayo now

@mrtruthandsoul

Nurse: The doctor will be with you shortly…do you want me to close the door?
Me: Do you wanna watch?
Nurse: *closes door*

@NaaN_Conformist

Don’t hate on Americans for not learning a foreign language.

Hate on Americans for not learning English.

@theBigMvee

Kid 1 swallows coin: rush to ER

Kid 2 swallows coin: wait for it to pass

Kid 3 swallows coin: deduct from their allowance

@MikeCanRant

There are so many animal nudes on the internet. I mean, its not even regulated. Literally almost every animal picture is naked.