@Cool_Jesse: NO, YOU GET THE HELL OFF YOUR PROPERTY.
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@hashtag_stacks: 'Sorry I liked your Facebook status, I was using my laptop as a plate'- my autobiography
@garrydavenport: I name photos of me stroking animals in files called "Fireworks and big dogs.jpg" so my cats won't find them on my computer.
@Love_bug1016: [on a date] him: I hope you’re a Game of Thrones fan. me: *stabs him with a sword then sleeps with his brother*
@daemonic3: ME: *reads mac & cheese box* Stir cheese sauce every 5m to keep creamy [4yrs later] ME: *still stirring every 5m* Please.. I have a family