Today’s 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player.
What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.
No YOU’RE not worded correctly.
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Whatever happened to that little girl from The Ring, did she grow up to be Kristen Stewart?
Him: So are you into horseback riding or mountain biking? Me: I usually like to drive myself but sometimes I take uber.
“Go empty the dishwasher, Batman.”
Babies have no idea when one of them is cuter than the other. So you have to tell them
I bet kids who live in volcanoes pretend the floor is carpet
Apparently Hooters is a great place to meet single dads on a Sunday.
Any girl who says she’s not the jealous type will change her tune when another girl phones you drunk at 3am.
To the goth guy in my college dining hall who always ate waffles: I’m sorry I only knew you as “Waffle Goth.” You were surely more complex.
When God invented snakes he was like do you want legs or do you want to look like a scary belt, too late scary belt