@iAmDelFreaky: If I could set people on fire with a single stare, a lot of innocents would die. "Sorry sir, we are closed." FIRE! "Good morning." FIRE!

@NightValeRadio: I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static.

@HomeWithPeanut: Your sex life as a parent basically becomes "Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep."

@Darlainky: A second-hand deep fryer is an acceptable gift for third weddings right?

@dancefeverbarbi: I am so lazy that when I dropped the soap in the shower, I just sat down & took a bath. That was 2 hours ago. I'm still here.