@ObscureGent
@capnwatsisname
SPIN INSTRUCTOR: you can do this, you just have to want it
ME, NOT EATING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES IN BED: neat. what’s another way?
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@capnwatsisname
@Parkerlawyer
I have a client that speaks French so I like to call him on the phone so I can say Bonjour! and then listen to him say probably very important things I don’t understand but it sounds amazing.
@ShortSleeveSuit
WAITER: would you like to try the chef’s special, tender snow crab?
ME [getting defensive]: maybe but there’s no reason for name calling
@Mardigroan
She asked if I had lost my mind. It’s nice to know that there’s some doubt.
@Makola_Bohlatse
Why yall taking long at Atm? yall
launching missiles or downloading
Space ships from NASA?
@iGreenMonk
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down.
I bet he never tried smashing it over someone’s head.
@NothingOnNeecie
We spent $12,775 on daycare last year, for anyone currently using the pull out method.
@ItsAndyRyan
Ladies, if he’s:
– Possessive
– Confusing
– Never where he’s supposed to be
…He’s not your man. He’s an apostrophe
@WigCannon
your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig
@BritXNic
Who needs Karate lessons when you can just have a bee near your head?