@LizHackett: Nobody in this neighborhood ever got along until we all hated your rooster.
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@Swishergirl24: If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating.
@MooseAllain: [tracker kneels and examines spoor] - A herd of idiots has passed this way but an hour ago. - How can you tell? - Look. Fresh nincompoop.
@david8hughes: [looks over neighbour's fence while he's in the pool] "Dude, we get it. You can hold your breath for [looks at watch] 19 days."