It’s widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words.
Sometimes you can mix prose with cons.
Nomads were like well there goes the neighborhood.
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Friends are like snowflakes.
If you pee on them they disappear.
Sir this bag is too heavy, you’ll have to pay an extra $25 to check it.
Sure thing *dumps 2500 pennies from bag onto counter*
Owl: Pretty cool having an owl drive your Uber, huh?
Me: Please face the front
Normal people flirting: Hey you’re cute we should go out sometime
Me flirting: So do you like bread
[friend is showing me around his city]
HIM: and that right there is the children’s hospital
ME: *struggles with this for a minute* how the hell are children running a hospital
According to this box of cereal I am a family of 13 eating breakfast
[at the mall]
“Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?”
[leans in to mic]
“Goodbye you little shit.”
[gets pulled over]
cop: “sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
[i’ve swapped places with the dog]
me: “answer the man”
Juliet: yo I’m dead
Juliet: OR AM I…