latin students necrophiliacs
馃
enjoying a dead tongue
You Might Also Like
I have 3 kids and often wonder what their future holds.
10: will be a teacher
5: a doctor
3: a dictator – just not sure which country she will take over yet. So many choices, but I鈥檓 thinking Canada because they are so polite and she is scary AF.
Dog: I will guard you with my life!
Cat: What was your name again?
What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesi-tato
馃槀
My husband just sent me a text inviting me to go ahead and have the left over tacos that I ate three hours ago.
[pirate ship capturing another ship]
Pirate: Prepare to be bored!
Other Captain: Don’t you mean boarded?
*pirate opens stamp collection*
What kinda psychopath tries to get in touch with someone by calling them on the phone. What is this…1984?
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Nothing like the lingering dread of a project that goes far too easily.
My favorite part of the gym is leaving. And girls in stretch pants.
Ima weiner. Damn I meant winer. Dammit I’m a winner. Hucked on fonics it made me look like an moroon.
EMT: *uses defibrillator* Okay we got him back
Dad: I was just resting my eyes
[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper]
“Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?”
Her: We’re having twins!
Me: WHO IS THE OTHER FATHER?!?!!
A charcuterie board is about what’s on top of the board? I thought y’all were picking side items to make eating wood more palletable.
THE AUDACITY. 馃槫
Dogs look like they鈥檝e received some really sad news when they watch you eat.
skydiving instructor: were not letting you jump out of this plane without a parachute
me: *wearing a hat with a little propeller on top* just trust me
My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.
Aww my microbiome fancies some high quality fermented foods does it? A little kombucha perhaps? I don鈥檛 give a shit, I鈥檓 the megabiome, I do what I want. I鈥檓 having a fanta lemon. I鈥檒l swallow coins
[making money] Ugh this is boring and awful. But at least spending it will be nice!
[spending money] Ah no this feels bad also
Oh right, like you鈥檝e never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.
So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed. Shame, as this morning I did about 9
[ first day working at a pet store ]
customer: can i see that fish bowl?
me: sure let me get his shoes
Some of you people, plus the magic marker I ate earlier, make me sick.
I want to know about the Oreo incident…
The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.
Sorry I chased you three city blocks but I wanted to meet your dog
It’s 5pm and I’m pretty sure my husband’s trying to get me drunk. Joke’s on him, I’ve been drunk since noon.
Them: you smell nice
Me: thanks, it鈥檚 the dryer sheet I just found in my sleeve
I’m terrible at balloon animals but pretty decent with balloon amoeba