ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!!
*holds up severed head
The crowd stared in horror as the National Spelling Bee contest took a morbid twist.
COURT LIKE GASTON
LEAKS REPORTS LIKE GASTON
WRITES IN PRESS AS “ANONYMOUS SOURCE” LIKE GASTON
You Might Also Like
Mean things I kind of want to do:
1) Call up a random person and say “It’s done. You just need to clean up the blood.” and hang up.
2) Walk up to a stranger and hand them a bag with random items (vaseline, a hose and socks) and say “You know what to do.”
What did I learn today?
Red Bull does not give you wings…and I should be out of the hospital in two to three months.
Yet another day I failed to wake up as a giant cockroach
My ceiling fan has three setting:
– very slow
– I’m about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident
*looks at crushed dead raccoon on the side of the road* i’m thinking Arby’s™
Death: I’ve come for you.
Me: That’s what she said.
D (bursts out laughing): You get me with that one every time! Ok, see ya.
The scary thing about helping my kid with her sixth grade homework is that even though it was a long time ago I don’t remember being as bad as I am now at sixth grade.
Bacon causes cancer.
Canadian bacon apologizes.