It’s cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart
Normal things that become creepy when you look both ways before doing them:
Pick up a kid
Unlock a door
Load a rolled rug into your trunk
You Might Also Like
moderator: your word is “impatient”
sloth: can you use it
moderator: in a sentence yes “i am growing imp-“
sloth: in a
moderator: you know what close enough *ding*
sloth: oh great thank you
moderator: what the
Her: I’m going to the gym
Me: Bring me back something from the vending machine
me: “im confused, run that by me again”
doctor: “you do not need to bring your cat to the hospital, that’s just what we call the machine”
This restraining order says I have to stay 100 yards away, but this telescope makes it feel like I’m right in your bedroom with you.
Beauty & the Beast 2 is just 90 minutes of Belle and the prince shopping for new furniture after it all turned back into people.
friend: I have a theory that the center of the Earth will cool and become solid
me: wow, that’s hardcore
Her: Use your hands to pleasure me
Me: Uh, ok *picks up phone and orders food*
I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy!” Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
One horribly inappropriate comment and you’ll never be shown another baby photo at work ever again. Totally worth it.