Stop talking about being sad. Use a bigger word like despondent so people will at least think you’re an intelligent cry baby.
north carolina to sue over bathroom bill
hillary: stop calling him that
You Might Also Like
[first guy to be sent to hell]
guy: so it’s just you and me?
satan: *kicks rock with cloven hoof* yup
guy: i really hope more shitty people die soon
satan: *sigh* yup
I just want to be as happy as a character in the first half hour of a horror movie
Confidence is important.
Because wishy-washy just will not get you a prescription for the good drugs.
7: can I have a pop tart?
Me: we’re going to eat dinner soon
7: this will be my dinner
Me: fine but at least have a strawberry one
The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas.
As my kids get older, I am more convinced that drinking water fixes everything.
Have a stomachache – drink some water
Have a headache – you really need to drink more water
Bear attack on the way to school – I bet the bear was dehydrated, here have a glass of water
I’m not making a snap judgment of you. I’ve been following you around the grocery store for 15 minutes.
Defense: I have a boyfriend
“Don’t put it on my plate if you don’t want me to eat it!”
– me to my kid, who’s crying because I ate the playdoh burger he put on my plate