@juliasegal: Not even a lifetime of watching horror movies will prepare you for the 1st time your baby says "hi" and waves to the empty corner of a room.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [first day as a pharmacist] CUSTOMER: the antacid I took isn't working. ME: *leans in close* that's cuz you're not an ant..
@5hael: *smashes car through your living room* Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?