@juliasegal: Not even a lifetime of watching horror movies will prepare you for the 1st time your baby says "hi" and waves to the empty corner of a room.
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@Mothpete: The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That's 15 minutes, right? I'm not reading too much into it?
@Tmoney68: I think I'm finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward.
@ScorpionDong: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain streaking" [pilot darts out of the cockpit completely naked]
@better_off_dad: 13: Can I have the password for Amazon? Me: Certainly, honey. Ready? 13: Yep Me: I-N-Y-O-U-R-D-R-E-A-M-S