@juliasegal: Not even a lifetime of watching horror movies will prepare you for the 1st time your baby says "hi" and waves to the empty corner of a room.
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@DustinSiskey: One time my 4yr old got so mad at my wife he yelled, "YOU'RE RABBIT FROM WINNIE THE POOH!" Best.Insult.Ever.
@AudreyPorne: I knew a girl who was sexually attracted to Hitler and when I unfriended her she messaged me and said "it's cause I'm attracted to Hitler, isn't it?" nooo, it's cause you're a Gemini. OF COURSE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO HITLER, BECKY!!!!!!
@AJslackie2: Her: i'm in the mood Me: me too Her: wanna do it Me: oh yeah baby [we drive to Home Depot to look at paint]
@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away