@HatfieldAnne: Not fat, but not super thin either. I'm more like...what’s the word? Oh, I know. Terrifying.
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@Shock_Monster: If I were God, I'd totally be cool with you using my name in vain. Feel free to say, "Oh John" next time you're cumming ladies.
@LostFelicia: My husband reprogrammed my radio stations to country so I pulled over and set the car on fire.
@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.