@Tw1tter_K1tten: Not only did I find 5 grey hairs on the top of my head but they were also sticking straight up. So....I'm transforming into Albert Einstein.
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@avaricious1: How come the only people who can open childproof lids are children? My nephew charges me two vicodin just to open the bottle.
@mommywhitfield: Marriage is probably the least romantic thing you can do with another person. Anyway, congrats on your engagement!
@matt___nelson: Narrator: "Humans are the product of 4.54 billion years of evolution" [cut to me pressing harder on remote control when batteries are dead]