A taco bell would actually crack almost immediately so that’s a stupid name
Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remembered why I went in there…
It was the bathroom…but still…
You Might Also Like
[ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that.
[laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now
Me: It’s not how often you fall down, it’s how many times you get up that matters.
Cop: That’s not how field sobriety tests work.
Facebook’s forever reminding me about people’s birthdays like I sell cakes😒😒.
911: what’s ur emergency
me: i’m in a bad spot. can u come get me
911: what’s going on?
me: i’m in jail. i only get one call.
911: and why are you in jail?
me: im callin 911 too much :/
911: yep. you know what this means.
me: worse jail :/
911: *nods* worse jail
my mom used to watch jeopardy early on a different city’s channel so that when she would watch it w my dad later she’d know all the answers. she’s still never told him so he’s been under the impression that she’s a genius this whole time
You want to sext?
Ok, but I’m not very good at it.
AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH…
I’ve got some sick beats.
No. Really. I need to take them to a doctor. The antibiotics aren’t working.
Lack of milkshakes may cause lack of bladder control.