@Gupton68: Not to brag, but several of my tweets have been described as 'unfortunate'.
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@BuckyIsotope: Brought a stapler to a gun fight and now everyone is neatly organized into piles of corpses and sorted by height. The police will be pleased
@jharden21: Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties
@_4kidscrazy: Me: You know what cures a headache right? Wife: Tylenol Me: You know what else cures a headache? Wife: Advil Me: You know what else ......
@Bwomono: My mom has a habit of replying my texts with NOTED Me:I love you Mom: NOTED Me:Rebels have come and abducted your husband Mom: NOTED