@LeahsLounge
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
@undeadmolly
Not usually a big fan of God, but I have admit telling Cruz to run for president then making him lose to a reality TV clown was an A+ prank.
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@LeahsLounge
@ThePocketJustin
Don’t you hate it when you misjudge a moment of silence and lean in for a kiss.
Worst police interrogation ever.
@Mysteresa1
You’re over 40. You HAVE glasses but WHERE are they?
@alexualhealing
This is just the best forever
@Lisabug74
In my trunk is a tire iron, a box of human hair, and a bottle of Grey Goose. I’m always prepared for an impromptu crime scene tampering.
@Smooheed
Showing that you can fit your fist in your mouth on the first date is only sexy if you can get it back out afterwards
@JONOCOYOTE
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
@freedom2726
* draws blood
Blood: No, no, no. That doesn’t look like me at all.
@FU_TangClan
My kid just sneezed in my face and laughed.
Snots fired.
@johnbiehl
(McDonald’s bathroom)
*pulls away from kissing*
You’re better than my mirror at home