Note from 5yo:
“I need help with my meth.”
I think she means math. Either way, asking for help is the first step, so good for her.
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satan: i am lord of the underworld.
satan: no it’s much hotter.
me: (nods) Australia.
“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
The stork flies them in.
“Why’s it take 9 months?”
Wind resistance. Go to sleep.
After about 15 games, I’m starting to think that none of these fantasies are going to be final.
Mugger: “Hand over your card and give me your PIN number!”
Me: “My personal identification number number?”
*he stabs me*
I might be OCD, but I’m not falling for that check engine bullshit. It’s there.
Co-worker insists on talking with his mouth full. No one can ever understand him. Wish we had a dentist was in the house to interpret.
Boxing Day is just another excuse for me to binge watch all the Rocky movies.
Jokes on them. I took 10.
GF: I’m sick of you pretending you’re a detective. We should split up
ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.