If someone is choking the best thing to do is ask them if they’re okay repeatedly then if that fails give a concerned look until resolved.
Nothing in my college degree prepared me for having the cat supervise me while I clean out the litter box.
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Girl: I’d like a martini, make it virgin
Me: ok, I’ll make it, just stop calling me that
Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one
Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.
When you ask her
“Have you ever read Shakespeare?”
And she answers
“No, who wrote it?” ….
[inventing the boomerang]
OH SHIT, IT’S BACK
Me, a Canadian: The metric system is easy. 100mm = 1cm. 100cm = 1m. Super easy.
You, an American: The imperial system is easy. 1 Flapjangle = 7.2 Flogboggles. 29 Flogboggles = 3.97 Dingmarkles. Super easy.
I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons.
I may make a lot of typos when I text, but in my defense, I do have to look at the road sometimes.
Agnostics have commitment issues.