@topaz_kell: Nothing ruins a game of hide and seek like when the cops let the K9 off the leash.
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@kendraaaleighh: My roommate’s boyfriend has been here for 9 consecutive days and nights which is fine except i cant stand being in his presence and everything he does deeply infuriates me. going to start leaving subtle hints that he should go home like for example lighting his shoes on fire
@NOTVIKING: her: we even finish each other’s s- me: -omebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed she was looki
@TravZA: If you're going to a wedding this weekend and you see a random stranger dancing his nut off on the dance floor, I'm sorry, I lost a bet.
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter